Archive for the ‘STRANGE BUT TRUE’ Category


January 12, 2010

Elf’N’Safety gnomes have it under control with help from police

I’ve been accused of being a bit intense right now.

Yeah, your dead right I’m intense alright; Tense as well; very!

I had a day of botheration yesterday that was pretty spectacular. And it did leave me feeling pretty intense after doing my head in completely !

In fact I am still incoherent and positively juddering with rage and frustration at various inter-connected events – all related.

– 1 My dear 11 year old son; but just a typical everyday story of very awkward sub-teenage behaviour, not a big deal or out the ordinary at all. But unbalancingly nerve jangling and enraging never-the-less ! Absolutely enough hassle for one day thank you.

– 2 A little incident in Sainsburys; utterly astonishing, and demanding lots of subsequent, time wasting attention, possibly leading to legal action and/or media publicity. Most definitely a rage inducing brain juddering experience which was utterly, utterly surreal.

– 3 A completely extraordinary letter to me from the Head Mistress of my 11 year old son’s school containing obvious and utterly unfounded abuse and threats, literally threats , directed towards me personally. It is an astonishingly poisonous letter and may well erupt into a nuclear explosion if I have my way.

– 4 Then, just to help me actually keep my sanity and remind me that no, I am not becoming paranoid and suffering delusions of all sorts myself, but that these things are really happening in this lunatic country of ours, and it is not all a figment of my imagination, there was this item on the evening news relating to David Cameron’s Policy Aide, Steven Hilton.

How on earth could this be connected with me and my experiences here ?

Read on and find out.

The news channel was gleefully explaining how David Cameron was suffering an election setback because his friend of 20 years and close policy aide Steven Hilton had been discovered to have – OOOooooooooooh – a criminal record.

Wow !

Cameron faces more sleaze ending in total election defeat. Cor Blimey Gov, what are things coming to. Criminals being chosen as policy aides to future Prime Minister David Cameron.

We can’t have that kind of thing going on in public life now, can we ?

This must now mean David Cameron is just too corrupt in surrounding himself with criminals as advisers and aides to lead the next Government, mustn’t it ?

Well, errrr no, actually.

The facts of this ‘criminal record’ are these:

David Cameron Policy Aide Steve Hilton bought a return ticket from London to Birmingham for a meeting. On finishing his Birmingham meeting he had to immediately dash like a bat out of hell back to the station to return as quickly as possible to London for another vital meeting.

He was in a bit of a hurry then.

Criminal intent visible here yet ? No, I don’t think so.

But then Steve Hilton arrived at the station ticket barrier with his train about to leave. He might make it still if he sprinted like hell.

Rules are rules though. It’s more than any ticket checking, dim-witted peasant’s job’s worth to let a man in a pinstriped business suit clutching his very important looking briefcase, pass by in an obvious panic to dash onto the train before he missed it, without checking his ticket first.

Steve Hilton breathlessly explained he didn’t have time to fish his ticket out or he would miss his train and he had a vital meeting to attend in London with the Prime Minister.

NO, not good enough for Mr job’s worth dim-witted, box ticking, moron ticket checker.


Dimwit, bureaucracy obsessed ticket collector, being utterly devoid of any hint of initiative, simply had to woodenly obey ‘the rules’ his ‘training’ had imposed on him.

Mr Hilton would just have to stop, spend ages fishing his ticket out from where it was buried amongst hundreds of bits of other detritous, and hand it over to the ticket inspector to peer at slowly to make sure all the silly little details were fully taken in and Mr Hilton could only then be trusted with actually telling the truth that he did, indeed, have a valid ticket.

It just wasn’t possible under ‘the rules’ for Mr Dimwit ticket collector to believe Mr Hilton without seeing the ticket. He might well be lying. It must be assumed that everyone is lying until Mr dimwit ticket collector actually sees their tickets. That’s what his training says.

That’s the way it is everywhere in this country now – thanks to the miasma of the suffocating culture of deceit and lies our poisonous Labour Government of fourteen endlessly tedious years has inflicted on us.

My, he might a be a criminal and Mr Hilton could simply be someone trying to travel without a ticket. Rules are rules. Everyone has to obey them to make sure no-one isn’t trying to steal the price of a ticket from the railway company.

Everyone is now assumed to be a criminal under the diktat of the Totalitarian Labour Idiots governing us. That’s what this bunch of thieves running our country have made everybody think after fourteen years of their hellish brainwashing of the entire population.

So, as the ‘Elf’N’Safety gnomes have instructed Mr Dimwit ticket collector to shout or radio for immediate help from the little private army of sinisterly dressed ‘security’ thugs now routinely employed by almost every organisation to intimidate and bully everyone who doesn’t cower meekly under the hatchet faced sterness of ‘authority’ and ‘the rules’; that is what happened next.

At about this point Steve Hilton was really losing patience as things seemed to be hurtling through some sort of worm hole into a parallel Universe of surreal stupidity.

So exasperated Mr Hilton called this incredibly idiotic ticket inspector a wanker.

Oh Dear. This is grounds for a criminal record when you are propelled through a wormhole into the parallel Universe by the politically correct forces of Totalitarian Labour party induced surreal socialism.

The Police were summoned. Mr Hilton was promptly arrested for ‘breaching the peace’ (for calling the odious ticket collector a wanker). The police apparently issued Mr Hilton with an instant on-the-spot £80 fine (yet another invention of those Labour Government control freaks to help beat the population into submission). Mr Hilton was then ‘de-arrested’ and sent on his way.

But now Mr Hilton has a ‘criminal record’. This, apparently, in this lunatic society we now all live in, means David Cameron is clearly unfit to be elected as the next Prime Minister.

Let’s just get this right, can we ?

It is now a crime to call an irritating prat a wanker in this country under our dear leader and Dictator Gormless Gordon, the One Eyed Scottish Idiot.

Oh Dear !

It seems we’re stuck with the one eyed Scottish idiot Gormless Gordon as Prime Minister again after the next election.

Hurrah ! Victory again for the hordes of Chavs poisoning every nook and cranny of life in the United Kingdom today!

Incidents like this are taking place every day all over the country as dim witted, ill educated idiots are given powers by bureaucratic, mentally retarded spastics taking their lead from a completely evil and very dangerous government. Constructed on the premises of jealousy, envy, control freakery and suspicion; deceit and corruption in every nook and cranny of the horrendous State we now live in.

It’s called the Brown Terror.



October 14, 2009

And this morning at about 9.15 a.m. Nick Hewer – Alan Sugar’s sidekick in the television show ‘The Apprentice’ – slithered out of my past like a bad smell to annoy me with his sanctimonious greasiness.

Nick was being breathlessly interviewed by Libby Purves on the BBC Radio Four Midweek programme about his glamourous life as public relations man turned TV star in The Apprentice.

What annoyed me was avuncular sounding Nick telling us all how the world of public relations had treated him well and, added as an afterthought, he said he hoped he had treated people in it well too. What a nice chap he seemed.

Nick wasn’t such a nice chap treating people well when I knew him !

Nick Hewer employed me in his public relations consultancy Michael Joyce Ltd a long time ago. It was a sordid experience which ended with me being the latest in – apparently – a long line of people fired (and sued) by Nick. In my case on the grounds ‘the client didn’t like me’.

Nick then tried to avoid paying me a considerable amount of my pay that was due. It was a mean, grasping, nasty, greasy, underhand little trick that spoke volumes about the ghastly manner in which Michael Joyce Ltd was run and the horrendous way Nick’s employees were frequently treated.

A court told him to pay up eventually, but not until he vented his venomously grasping nature by attempting to frivolously sue me in act of breathtakingly childish spite.

It backfired on him. I’ll tell you more about the wonderful, glamourous world of public relations later ‘cos I have chores to do now.

But I can tell you it isn’t glamourous at all. It is full of sordid little people like Nick and another PR person I met called Codrington whose ancestors became rich by trading in Slaves and owning sugar plantations with which they used to become respectable stately home owners in the West Country. He fleeced me too in a blatantly fraudulent way. Another nasty piece of work there.

It seemed to the PR world was stuffed to bursting with people like that !

CHILDREN – BANNED ! (Nasty, Pesky Things – Keep Them Them Out of Sight)

August 28, 2009

I just heard the most extraordinary thing ! My eleven year old son’s schoolmate just came to our house to ask him out to play today. He casually told my son he wouldn’t be able to visit him when their family moved into their newly rented house because the landlord had banned any children from being allowed into the house his parents were renting !

Think about this for a moment. An ordinary middle class, very civilised family, both parents working in extremely well paid jobs and with two sons of eleven and fourteen. They decided to sell their own house and rent a house from a private landlord for a year while they look for something attractive to buy.

They find a suitable four bedroomed house in an attractive village in Sussex and they would like to pay the fifteen hundred odd pounds a month to rent it for their family of four for a year.

But the landlord says other children are not allowed to be in the house. How utterly insulting this idiot landlord is. Why does he think he has a right to impose his warped, narrow minded, busybody control freakery on other people ?

What a pathetic, sad individual he must be ! No doubt he must be one of those dreadful people employed by the government whose full time job it is to be an interfering bureaucrat of some sort; paid a high salary to be an official professional control freak on one of those Labour Government pointless job creation schemes that squanders billions of pounds of our money.

Perhaps it is this that gives him delusions about telling people who rent his house what sort of people they can socialise with.

It does seem the countless horde of Labour Government employees – now most of the workforce and still rising – are living in a fantasy World where they all have the delusion their duty is to tell the rest of the population exactly what to do every minute of their lives; to control everyone with a positive blizzard of forms and tickboxes. Databases for everything and everyone with lists of all the details of the entire population’s daily lives. Video cameras malignantly following your every move, wherever you go. A Police State monitoring you, threatening constant arrest and State sponsored violence and thuggery whatever you are doing at the time, however innocent it might be.

My own son has been mercilessly persecuted by the goody goody interferers of the bizarre anti-child brigade ever since I moved to this Sussex market town seven years ago.

– A visit from the police after a member of the public reported my then ten year old son being seen playing in the park ‘too often’ and observed holding small cans of some sort in his hands. I was asked if this meant he was a graffiti sprayer because the cans might be spray paint. They were soft drink cans.

– Reported to social services by the headmaster of the boy’s school when an officious idiot of a teacher told him my then eight year old boy was actually allowed to go and play in the nearby park all by himself without an adult being with him.

– The subsequent visit from a social worker who told me that no child under the age of fourteen should ever be allowed out without an adult being with them !

– The retired ex-headmaster of the local secondary school who is the Chairman and gimlet eyed controller of my allotment association telling me allotments were actually dangerous places for children and they were not allowed there unless their parents rented an allotment.

Even then they were absolutely forbidden to leave their parents allotment and go anywhere else on the site. In addition, the allotment rules would not even allow children on their own parents allotment unless they were actually working on the allotment. They were not allowed to play on their parent’s allotment, only work.

No visiting their friends on nearby allotments then. Hard labour only – or else !

– Official letter of warning from the boy’s headmaster at school that he had been seen riding a bike to school without a ‘permit’.

– The amazing Pizza restaurant – “Sorry Sir. We don’t allow children here except at lunchtime”.

And so it goes on – endlessly. These are only a small fraction of the barrage of anti children complaints I have had to deal with from a population of miserably humourless, self centred, misogynistic fools nurtured into existence by the evils of a politically correct socialist mindset which has gripped the UK in it’s deathly embrace as the Labour Government systematically wrecks what used to be the best country in the World to live in.

Now, it is rapidly becoming one of the worst.

It has also been officially branded by the rest of the World as one of the most unpleasant countries in the World to be a child.


Global Financial Meltdown Update

March 24, 2009


Friday, 10 October 2008/or possibly March 24th 2009/not quite sure really, but what the heck it doesn’t really matter does it?

Global financial meltdown update from OLLYS ONIONS

New details of bank rescue emerge:

• Eleventy hundred billion pounds/dollars/whatever injected into/exchanged for/given away or something. More cash to follow.

• Iceland to be abolished (shop as well as country, to make absolutely sure).

• Scotland to be banned from having banks.

• Credit default swaps to be converted into credit default squirrels, in the hope they take all the toxic debt and bury it in flowerbeds. Collateralised debt obligations to become collateralised debt orangutans, so that Indonesia can deal with the problem.

• Banks to institute “once you give you can’t give back” rule to ease lending.

• Dow Jones, FTSE, Nikkei, etc to be recalibrated, so that fewer points are better, and 1 is now best.

• Co-ordinated worldwide reduction of 75.5% in the number of people who know where the *@&*;$! all this is going to end up.

Motorist stopped by police for laughing

March 10, 2009

By Nigel Bunyan in the Daily Telegraph 05 Mar 2009

A motorist was stopped by a police officer and questioned because he was laughing at the wheel.

When Mr Saunders got out of his car, the policeman told him: ‘Laughing while driving a car can be an offence.


There is a link between a murdered boy and a laughing motorist

March 10, 2009

From Philip Johnston writing in the Daily Telegraph Mar 5, 2009

Here are three stories from today’s newspaper. What is the connection?

First, 65 people sentenced to jail for life have gone on to commit further serious crimes, including murder, when they have been released from jail on licence since 1997. Second, a serial knife attacker is convicted of the murder of Rob Knox, 18, despite complaints being made to the police about his behaviour. Third, a motorist is pulled over by a police officer and questioned – because he is “laughing too much”. The connection? Our criminal justice system has become so divorced from its purpose that dangerous offenders are not dealt with properly while perfectly innocent behaviour is treated as suspect because it is easy to target. It no longer protects the general public.

This is not a specious comparison because it is all interconnected. When dangerous criminals are released on life licence they are supposed to be properly supervised by the probation service yet we have many examples of a failure to carry out basic checks.

In the case of Karl Bishop, the killer of Mr Knox, he had been jailed for four years for wounding but was released after less than two years. He murdered the young Harry Potter actor a year later. The point here is that since Bishop was released at the half-way point, he was always subject to recall to prison if he re-offended. The police were told that he was a suspect in a number of knifings and robberies yet did nothing about it. He was never questioned or arrested despite his history of serial offending. Several police officers, we are told, have been reprimanded and the Metropolitan Police says “lessons have been learned”.

What possible lesson needs to be learned other than to carry out the primary functions of policing, which are the prevention of crime and the apprehension of criminals? How have we come to the point where a motorist is pulled over and questioned for laughing while a would-be killer is allowed to remain free to snuff out a young life and destroy a family? The only people laughing are the criminals.