Global Financial Meltdown Update

NEWS FLASH…..NEWS FLASH….NEWS FLASH…..NEWS FLASH…..NEWS FLASH
stockmarket

Friday, 10 October 2008/or possibly March 24th 2009/not quite sure really, but what the heck it doesn’t really matter does it?

Global financial meltdown update from OLLYS ONIONS


New details of bank rescue emerge:

• Eleventy hundred billion pounds/dollars/whatever injected into/exchanged for/given away or something. More cash to follow.

• Iceland to be abolished (shop as well as country, to make absolutely sure).

• Scotland to be banned from having banks.

• Credit default swaps to be converted into credit default squirrels, in the hope they take all the toxic debt and bury it in flowerbeds. Collateralised debt obligations to become collateralised debt orangutans, so that Indonesia can deal with the problem.

• Banks to institute “once you give you can’t give back” rule to ease lending.

• Dow Jones, FTSE, Nikkei, etc to be recalibrated, so that fewer points are better, and 1 is now best.

• Co-ordinated worldwide reduction of 75.5% in the number of people who know where the *@&*;$! all this is going to end up.

Advertisements

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: